Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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