i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
