In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
