You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
