Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
