the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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