Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
