you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
did i just pee glitter
I think people are normalizing furries
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
