I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
