Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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