You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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