Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're a waste of cheezeits
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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