I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
