I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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