I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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