Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
