Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
