It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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