booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
