very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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