I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
