i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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