remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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