I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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