Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
