hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
