I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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