i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I AM VODKA MAN
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
