I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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