I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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