Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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