They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
