matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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