Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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