Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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