this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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