All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
