If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
