So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
