I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize