So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sext me about skeletons
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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