Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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