I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize