She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
