highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
