I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
