we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
