I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
