Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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