you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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