So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
