I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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