seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
3pm strippers are depressing
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
