She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
