i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
