He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
