Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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