the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
