and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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