I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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