One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
