his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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