i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
