He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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