I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
