hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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