Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
