Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
